I apologize for this blog post taking a much darker turn than my usual ones, but I need a second to vent some of my frustration with the state of the world, the horrible political landscape that is my country, and just how much worse I feel my mental state getting as each day passes.
Everything sucks right now, my home goes and starts trouble with another country for basically no good reason and then declares that they are doing it in the name of their "god", then later the leader turns around and says we are doing it because "it's fun". I am filled with so much stress, and anxiety on a daily basis as I am a survivor of the evangelical doomsday Christian deathcult. I am watching those very same people pull the strings of our leader like some kind of puppet. I never liked the person myself, but now my feelings of hatred and disdain are worse than they ever were before.
Everyday I wake up, I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of a constant anxiety attack and when I try to distract myself by going to work, playing video games, or watching TV they are no longer things I enjoy doing for fun, but have become tools to cope and distract myself even if for five minutes just to not go into an absolute mental and emotional breakdown from everything going on around me. I have been hesitant to post or say anything on the matter for months now as I don't want to start trouble for myself, but I am hitting a breaking point in my life. I need to vent and scream into the void so I can get by another day. This is one of the MANY reasons I have not made blog posts since October. Every second just feels like it is getting worse and worse, and I don't know how much more I can take.
I am doing my best to step away from the internet as much as possible, take deep breaths, and just try and take care of myself. Even that is proving to be close to impossible anymore, it's hard to ignore the world around you LITERALLY being on fire, and things around you getting worse each and every day. I will continue to do my best as much as possible, but I can make no promises that I will be 100% okay. Nothing is "normal" anymore, and probably never will be again for all I know. I tried therapy, I tried different anxiety medicine, and nothing seems to be working at this point. I will check in again with everyone soon, but I felt it was necessary to just put it out there what I have been going through, how I've been feeling, and where I've been mentally and emotionally. I'm scared of what's next, I'm scared of what could happen in the next five minutes, and I am scared of what could happen tomorrow. SkyDoggo signing off.
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